Love is Poison
by Apple Lullaby
Summary: What was the meaning of love again? Was it suppose to make you feel happy, was it suppose to make you numb, or was it suppose to hurt? The man chuckled and shook his head. His smile so well practised that he was starting to believe himself that he felt no pain. It did not matter, because in the end, love kills you, whether you have it or not.
1. Chance meeting

_Love is man-kinds most secret mystery. It can happen anytime, without any warning. Some consider it as a blessing, and some as a curse. Whatever one decides to feel about it; Whether it be hate or joy, it's always there. Like a snake, it constricts your heart. Wrapping it with warmth and desire and pain. Centuries of being surrounded by it, people came down to a question: Is it better to risk everything for a moment it love? Or stay at peace for an eternity._

_ Of course, it doesn't matter what choices you are given because in the end, whether you have it or not, it kills you.  
><em>

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><p>~Suzaku's POV~<p>

Downtown is a fascinating place. At daytime, the high buildings reveals young worker with great bodies in full designer clothing. Confident and reflecting out success. The streets are filled with new faces, each hurrying to get to their destination. At first glance. Everything is perfect.

Then, as the sun falls and the closing of stores are heard. The joyfulness dissolves into ugliness. Beggars and the homeless come out to try to plead for some money, smokers and drug addicts wander the streets, and sluts and prostitutes fill the night with moans and grunts. Our main character is found here. Suzaku Kururugi. Recently heart broken from a break up. Broke.

It wasn't until the brunette had received a text from his lover that his world came crashing down

_Hey Suzu, _

_I just don't think this can work out between us. I'm sorry. I found someone else. I don't deserve you. Please, just forget about me.  
><em>

Broken beer bottles and chipped glasses covered the floor that night. Suzaku looked out the window of his apartment with eyes glazed over; Skimming over the sight of police sirens, gun shots and screams that lulled him to sleep. For the first time in his life he felt he lost everything. An eerie laugh bubbled up in the room as Suzaku wondering with a drunken state why did he ever trust love.

"Ah, the adrenaline..." He finally whispered as he fell asleep, a sleep so deep that he wondered if he would even know who he was when he awoke.

Day 1- 9:45 pm

"Suzaku, come on, just give it a try. It's time's like these that you really need to let loose." The club-owner's voice still rang inside Suzaku's head as he tries to relax to the hypnotizing rock back-and-forth the subway creates. It's_ been four months since that message._ The green-eyed man closed his eyes and tried to stop the flashbacks from happening again. The vehicle came to a gentle stop and the announcer was heard.

"Arriving at silver light, silver light station."

Suzaku looked at the card. There was a few more stops to go. The door to the subway opened, and a figure stepped it.

Suzaku starred at the person. It was a man, but the slenderness of his silhouette could easily be mistaken as a body of a women's. The man's hair was onyx black, and even _looked_ soft. Suzaku found himself with a desire to run his hands through the silky locks.

His lips seemed like it was kissed by a pale pink rose petal. The end slightly frowning. Although the man's completion was nearly perfect, the most striking feature was his eyes. Two iris that looked like glowing orbs of deep amethyst. It was a seducing contrast to the raven black hair. They say that eyes are the window to the soul, and although his eyes were very attractive, the expression overflowed with tiredness, stress, and it seemed like there was nothing in there at all. _Just like my very own life._

Still, the brunette was very curious as to why this man, despite his drop-dead body and his completion that seemed to shine with a nobleness, was on an old subway near mid-night. Having lost everything he ever cared about already, Suzaku thought there was nothing left to lose, so he boldly started a conversation.

"Hey, I'm Suzaku Kururugi. Where are you from?"

The other man in the subway glared at the brunette. The intensity both in the silky sexiness of the voice, and the hardness of it made Suzaku jump a little. _Shit, voices weren't suppose to sound that_ _good_.

"Huh. I can tell that you maybe didn't get the chance to pick up a lot sluts in your...years." the sharpness in his voice irritated Suzaku, but he continued the conversation as if the noirette didn't speak.

"I'm going to the pleasure and pain night club. Could you give me some directions? It's my first time going there."

"Oh, excuse me. It seems as though I made a mistake. It looks like you didn't get the chance to pick up a lot of _gay_ sluts in your years." was the reply to the question.

"What?" Suzaku nearly slid off the seat as the subway came to another people-less stop, "It's a gay night club?"

The noirette rolled his eyes. "The name of it is pleasure and pain. What did you think it was? Some kind of safe and secure legal drinking hang out where sad and single people who recently had their sensitive little heart ripped out by reality go? Not thinking well enough with our heads now are we?"

The green eyed man twitched. _Fucking smart ass._

"_Well,_ thank you for telling me that. I absolutely_ must _know the reason someone with _so _much cocky attitude knows this. I'm surprised that you have time, you know, when all the ladies are not just _begging _you to go to bed with them"

The subway came to a screeching stop. Reminding everyone that it needed oiling.

Strutting out with a sexy cat walk, the noirette turned and faced Suzaku. Both of them breathing out mist from the cold winter temperature.

"Make a left when you see the second crossing light, and it's the third place on your right. Oh, and by the way, you might want to bring ear plugs. Judging by our _chat,_ your sensitive little ears might bleed."

"Sounds like you know the place well, don't tell me _your_ gay and trying to come on to me." Suzaku smirked, but the shakiness in his voice gave away that he was actually desperate to make a cutting edge rebuff.

Already half way down the street, the man waved a turned hand.

"Nice tone. Sounds _so_ bad ass, and frankly yes, I _know _the place. The name's Lelouch."

" I didn't ask for your name." Suzaku had to shout now.

" Looks like there's something in that skull after all. I am hired at the nightclub to work."

"What are you, the person hired to deal with people who want refunds?"

"No. I work there as a stripper."

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><p><strong>Well then, that was... interesting?<strong> **This is the first CG fic that I started, and I'm interested to see how long it will go on until I end it off since I tend to just make one-shots. Unlike my other fanfictions, this one will mostly be plot-crammed -.-.**

** Talking back to the plot, requests for it is always welcome ^^. I'm always a good 2-3 chapters stored in my Dox, so it would take some time before the idea is introduced, but I'm always willing to hear what it is.  
><strong>

**Stay cute, stay happy and stay tuned! (-.- that is a lame catch phrase... came up with it mahself!)**


	2. The first imprint

**Hey! So, I see you have returned! Thanks for the support! Although Lelouch's comeback and his sharp ass mouth is a ideal partner, if you read** **or are planning to read more of my fanfictions, you will know that I usually not experienced with this kind of comeback. Just be happy that my brain is not fried... yet. Anyways, enjoy~**

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><p><em>~Suzaku's POV~<br>_

_Wha_t_?_ Suzaku starred at the diapering figure in disbelief. His mind still whirling about the breakup, the subway, _Lelouch... maybe I should just go back and have a drink to clear things up...  
><em>

Still, the free pass said otherwise as it reminded the green eyed man that it was still there by shaking a little in the chilly wind.

Suzaku didn't get a chance to think as he heard a familiar voice call his name,

"Yo Suzaku, what are you doing just standing out here like someone just chucked you in the balls?" the sarcasm in Rivalz's voice shot out in the night air, "You got a free pass to a strip club. What part of a _free pass_ don't you understand? Most guys would kill for one of those!"

"Yes, most guys would." replied Suzaku, heading over to his strip club-owner and friend, "If it was a strip club full of _women, _but a _gay _strip club? How come you never told me about this?"

"Dude," Rivalz huffed as he gestured a reluctant Suzaku to follow, "It's Pleasure and Pain night club, everyone knows, I'm feeling a bit insulted here. Anyways, you've been dating a guy anyways. I though you liked that sort of stuff."

The brunette shrugged, "Well..."

"Man just come with me!" With that, Rivalz hauled Suzaku through the doors and into the sex-filled world of a strip club.

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><p>The first thing Suzaku noticed when he got in was the lights. They were <em>blinding<em>. Red; green; topaz; any color imaginable was firmly placed under each pole on top of every table. The dancers were all very young, some look like there were still in high school. Each dancer wore 7 inch stilettos and a costume that was next to nothing.

Around each table were drunken groups of single men, waving money at the performers to give them a kiss or lap dances.

"Yo Lulu, come on over here," Rivalz hollered at a performer at another table that Suzaku couldn't quite hear. _Lulu... is that some kind of a nickname for Lelou-_

Suzaku froze at mid-thought. The same slender figure he met on the subway was walking towards him. The purple-eyed man approached Suzaku with confidence and just a hint of taunting. His slim jaw tilted slightly to one side and raised up, showing off those gorgeous amethyst eyes and midnight black hair, not to mention the same attitude. His legs were accentuated by a pair of super high heels that were sleek black. He was wearing a simple slightly slacking tuxedo shirt that seem to drape off his shoulders and onto his milky white thighs. There was glitter all over his body. Highlighting each curve and bump.

"Lelouch?"

"You've met each other before?" Rivalz exclaimed, "Well, Lelouch here is our most wanted pole dancer. He raked three quarters of our income last month. Excellent addition to our team, and not to mention a steamy sex partner. He will be yours tonight Suzaku. Have fun, but don't be too _hard _on Lulu here, if you know what I mean."smirked Rivalz as he walked away.

Suzaku blushed at his friend's comment, and turned to face the drop-dead partner he had tonight.

"S-so, what do we d-do exactly?"

"Ugh," the noirette rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, one hip leaning slightly to the right.

_Damn, even his poses are sexy..._

" Just follow me, by the time I finish explaining to _you,_ the club would probably close."

* * *

><p>Suzaku hesitated, but still entered the room with Lelouch leading him, closing th door that marked VIP.<p>

The brunette carefully closed the door, surprised when he heard the door automatically lock with a loud 'click'. He immediately began to feel regret.

The room was simple, consisting of a flat screen TV, a washroom, a nightstand and a _huge _bed. On the nightstand were various lubes; condoms and sex toys that Suzaku had never even seen before. The TV was showing a sex clip with the sound on _high_.

The first thing Suzaku did was slam the TV's power button, shutting it down.

"Listen, maybe we could just talk or hang out here for the night, I'm not really in the mood for s-" Suzaku was cut off mid-sentence by the sight before him. Lelouch was partly undressed. Half of his buttons on the shirt was opened, revealing just a peak of his smooth chest. He had left the high heels on and was reaching for the nightstand.

"Seriously?" the noirette sounded annoyed and walked towards a stunned brunette. With surprising force, he pushed the older man onto the bed and cornered him. Undressing himself first then reaching for the shirt of Suzaku.

"W-wait!" out of panic Suzaku swatted Lelouch's hand away. The action wasn't big, but Lelouch flinched suddenly and cowered to the corner, criss-crossing his wrist as if Suzaku was about to hit him.

The brunette noticed the reaction and with gentleness, caressed Lelouch's arms._ Wait, why does he have so many bruises and cuts on his arms and neck? Don't tell me the previous person hit him..._

"Lelouch, who did this to you?"

"I-it's none of your business." Lelouch snapped, but the broken voice said otherwise.

Suzaku signed, and began to remove his clothes. Lelouch recovered from his state of shock and starred at the naked chest of Suzaku.

"Ha, so you're not too pussy to fuck a man after all." the sharpness pissed the older man off, but he simply said nothing. When he was done removing his clothing, he pounced on the younger male.

With a 'eek,' Lelouch was pinned to the bed with Suzaku on top.

"Don't worry, I'll be gentle. I won't hurt you like the other person." Suzaku whispered tender words to Lelouch, but was un-prepared when the noirette crashed his lips forcefully onto him.

The kiss was intense as both partners enjoyed rough over soft. Lips locked in a bruised exchanged and a fierce tongue war began. Each side was determined to win. Suzaku's eyes fluttered a little as he felt Lelouch's tongue sneakily enter his mouth. _His tongue is unbelievably soft... and is that Cinnamon I taste?_

Suzaku fully enjoyed the moment, and found himself disappointed when Lelouch pulled away for air.

"Did that refresh you?" purple orbs starred into green ones

"Yeah..." The brunette answered hazily.

With that, the noirette shook his head, and crawled to Suzaku. Taking of his stilettos and pushing the brunette down onto the bed. Reaching for his lips to kiss once again. The second their lips touched, Suzaku felt something snap inside of him. He shoved Lelouch down on the bed, and attacked his neck.

Endless marks on the younger male's neck were made, and for each mark comes paired with a moan or whimper. The sounds that Lelouch was vocalizing was only making Suzaku even more fired up. The brunette grinded into the noirette. Feeling the younger male through the fabric.

"That, off." Suzaku grunted as he hooked his index finger over and under Lelouch's undergarment, and pulled it down. Strong hands griped the other's member and started to pump slowly up and down... up and down.

Lelouch moaned and guided Suzaku's hand down further. Suzaku responded to his actions and started to circle Lelouch's entrance, feeling get damper as the seconds tick by. Impatient as he is, the brunette couldn't wait any longer and started to put pressure into the entrance. Hissing. Lelouch pulled Suzaku's hand away. Jerking his head to the direction of the nightstand.

Suzaku blinked and cocked his head to one side.

Lelouch saw that, and the slightest hint of a blush crept up on his face. _He looks so damn adorable._..

"The lube you dumb-ass. What do you want to do, fuck me raw?"

Suzaku smirked and countered "Yeah, so what?"

"You'll have to pay extra~"

"I didn't come all the way here for nothing." Suzaku shrugged.

"Smart boy." Lelouch purred and moved himself so that he was facing Suzaku. He bent down, and started un-zipping the older male's pants. With a swift movement, the noirette leaned in and licked the head of Suzaku's cock.

Shivering with pleasure, Suzaku urged the younger male to continue. Lelouch took his sweet sass time, but did what Suzaku asked for. He licked the tip again, but this time let his tongue slid to the base, then up again.

"Damn it Lelouch, just put the whole thing in your mouth already." the brunette finally said. Tossing his patience out the window.

Lelouch muttered a 'don't know how to enjoy' as he opened his mouth and took Suzaku's cock in his mouth. Suzaku moaned at the softness of Lelouch's mouth, and marveled at how stimulating and how much pleasure he's feeling. The brunette wasn't the only one feeling the pleasure, Lelouch moaned too. The vibrations sent shocks of excitement through Suzaku's body as he wanted more. Without a warning, Suzaku bucked into Lelouch's mouth. The noirette gagged a little, but feeling the younger male's mouth tighten only encouraged Suzaku.

The older male watched Lelouch's head bob up and down as he gave him the blowjob. Fingers entwined in the silky black hair as the rhythm moved quicker, until the brunette couldn't hold it in any longer.

Jerking his head up, Lelouch got up and opened his mouth with a 'pop'. There was a streak of cum running down the noirette's chin and neck. All his did was lick his lips and mouthed 'delicious'.

Suzaku huffed, but he still felt dissatisfy. He still wanted more.

With a yelp, Lelouch was tossed brutally on the bed and abusively kissed. One of the younger male's hands struggled to reach down to grab Suzaku's re-hardening member and guided it to his entrance.

"Ngh..." he whined as he slowly lowered himself onto Suzaku's shaft. Pausing for a brief moment to adjust to the sensation of Suzaku's cock inside of him. Taking a deep breath, the noirette began to move. Slow at first, but picking up the pace quickly after. Suzaku was enjoying the fact that Lelouch was riding him, but it felt weird to see Lelouch on top. _Let's change that._

Suzaku stopped the younger male. Purple eyes flashed a look of confusion. The brunette gently laid the noirette on his back. Then started to thrust in him. Suzaku wasn't sure why, but that particular position, that specific moment, the fact that he was fucking Lelouch made something in him connect

Lelouch was feeling it too. The way that Suzaku's shoulders framed his body. Every bump and curve was perfect and exactly in place. His vibrant green eyes...

"Hurry... hurry and just take me."

With that, Suzaku threw everything away. He pounded forcefully into the younger male. Feeling the walls of his inside compress. Ends met as the beat quickened. Each time they flipped positions, it got more intense. Beads of sweat was forming on Lelouch's face. Matting his raven black hair onto his place skin. Still, he continued.

"Are you sure you want to continue?" Questioned Suzaku as he lifted one of Lelouch's legs to get a better position.

"Suzaku, I work for a _strip club._ If I couldn't handle this, then I'll be on the streets begging for money. Who asks questions during sex anyways?"

"Oh, are you saying that I'm not going hardcore enough?"

"Oh, so you do have a brain after all."

Suzaku scowled, but started going faster, Grinding into the smaller male each time he was inside. Lelouch trashed and squirmed, but he was enjoying it too.

"H-harder..."

The pleasure boiled inside of him, and the noirette screamed again before he came onto Suzaku's chest. Suzaku followed soon after, spilling his cum inside Lelouch.

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><p>~<em>Lelouch's POV~<em>

The two males rolled over so they were both on their backs. The brunette turned and cradled Lelouch.

"You had to admit, that was the best sex you've ever had." The older male grinned childishly.

"Pfft, doesn't even crack my top ten. You got a long way to go." Lelouch shot back, watching as the jaw of Suzaku drop in shock. Rolling his eyes, Lelouch slapped the brunette's face teasingly.

"What, do you want to give _me _a blowjob?"

As quickly as it had opened, Suzaku closed his mouth.

"Tch," Lelouch turned his face over to Suzaku, "I'm saying this and only saying this once. despite the fact that you indecisive, blunt, childish and arrogant, you care a lot about others."

"You know what, if you look past the sharp ass mouth and the shitty attitude, your a pretty nice guy.." Suzaku cocked his head to one side and flashed the starring noirette a genuine smile.

"D-don;t think that I can tolerate you though. Also, you have to pay extra."

"Why?"

"Because you came inside of me."

"I have a pass."

"The pass doesn't cover that." Lelouch was already putting on his shirt and throwing a jacket over it.

"Come on."

"What?"

"You honestly need to see a doctor about that brain problem, we go on the same subway don't we?"

"Oh yeah..." Suzaku slowly got up and got dressed. The two left the room and walked to the subway with the sun already slowing itself a sliver through the sky.

"Hey," Suzaku mentioned to Lelouch as he was about to leave the vehicle, "You know, I would be jealous of the first guy that gets the chance to have you."

Lelouch flushed, and before he hand a chance to make a rebuttal, the door closed.

Dazed, he sat down on the subway seat and thought about what happened.

_I chose a strip club because that was the way to lock my feelings in. I agreed in love is a disease and to never fall for it again. I was ice cold for years and no one could touch me. So why... why does my heart hurt so much right now?_

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><p><strong>Phuff! Finally done typing! Yayyy~ How do you guys like the fanfiction so far? It's going to get more into the plot around chapter three. Warning, it will contain drama!<em><br>_release date for chapter three is around... Feb 20th. **

**Drop a comment, story alert, favorite, what ever you want. I'm off to eat a apple~**

**-Neko  
><strong>


	3. Old memories

**Oh harrow ^^. I've taken very long to update, I know I know. Sorry! Oh, and if you have time after you read, please go to my profile and check out my poll for this fanfiction. Any suggestions, improvement, or ideas for special appearances** **can all be sent by PM. Thanks! Now, without further drabble, I give you chapter three.**

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><p><em>Foreword<br>_

_~Two months later~  
><em>

_The two have been seeing each other for a while now. After their first and not to mention extremely awkward encounter, they both pretty much didn't want anything to do with each other. Still, fate must be messing around with them after several coincidental meetings. Sometimes in malls, on the street and even once in the washroom. Eventually giving up on playing the game hide and seek, Suzaku and Lelouch gradually started planning where they would meet next. Most of the times they would just hang around or walk together. Despite the tasteless conversations they shared, having as much in common as about a potato and a strawberry and ending usually in Suzaku storming away with boiling anger, they got use to it. _

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><p><em>Beep...beep...beep...beep...<em>

The brunette groggily woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. Rays of moonlight shined past the blinds and seeped though onto Suzaku's bed. Signing, he lazily opened one eye and searched for the numbers in the dark. The florescent light glowed 9:37 pm.

Suzaku's eyes snapped opened and he stumbled out of the bed. _Crap... I was suppose to meet Lelouch at the central park at 9! _

The brunette reached the mirror hanged in the bathroom. Scaring himself a bit when he looked at the reflection. He had eye bags that were so dark he could have be mistaken as a panda wearing clothes. His hair was not all that cooperative and stuck out in multiple directions. The brown locks curling and tangling freely on Suzaku's head. _Perfect. Absolutely perfect. _The brunette rummaged through the closet and pulled out the nicest clothes he thinks that could impress Lelouch. He quickly pulled on a tuxedo undershirt, put a slacker tie and grabbing a jacket. he quickly glanced at the mirror and was about to dash out the door when he remembered. _His hair..._

Things flew as the brunette tried mindlessly to find hair gel_._ He grabbed the first clear thing in a tube (five stars for that sounded kinky... *hint hint*) that he could see. Squeezing a huge amount on his hand and smothered it on his hair. Briefly flipping a few helpless strands in place before flying out the door. Hoping that Lelouch would still be there.

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><p><em>10:07pm-Lelou's POV<br>_

The noirette shifted his weight to one side. The chilly breeze circled around him, blowing his hair up and tickling his chin. Impatiently, Lelouch checked his phone. 10:10pm. Lelouch signed and began to wonder if he should just go back. Standing outside like a rapist was not worth hearing Suzaku bitching the next day_. _

"Lelouch!" a voice called out to the noirette_. _Exhaling, he stood up. As expected, Suzaku was running full speed to the park. His jacket flapping like wings and his locks wildly bouncing in every direction. Lelouch couldn't help but chuckle. Tiny beads of sweat trickled down the brunette's face as he came to a stop. He was exhaling air that turned into mist when it came into contact with the cold air and his cheeks were in a light shade of pink.

Lelouch shook his head, hopped down form the bench and walked over to Suzaku.

"Nice outfit. It really helps bring out the inner slacker from you. What's the excuse this time?"

The noirette eyed Suzaku's clothes. Despite the fact that it was practically blown apart, the jacket did accentuate his shoulders and the forgotten button at the top of the shirt exposed a delicious part of the green-eyed man's neck and collarbone

Suzaku ignored the noirette's taunt and replied with a shrug.

"What can you do?"

"Your unbelievable."

"So you better believe it."

The two started walking along the sidewalk of the park. The fountain in the center sprayed quietly. Spotting a vending machine, Lelouch turned,

"You want a soda?"

"Coke, not diet please. The diet really tastes disgusting."

The noirette nodded and fished his pocket for change. Making sure he pressed the 'diet coke' button on the vending beeped and a can fell out. Lelouch grabbed the drink and tossed it to Suzaku.

"This is diet"

"I know."

The brunette's eye twitched and he threw the can back at Lelouch. The noirette shrugged and opened the can. Creating a sizzling sound as the carbon dioxide was released. Lelouch took a sip, a thin trail of liquid dripped down his neck. Suzaku starred at it with hungry eyes.

"Ne, you should wipe your mouth. There's coke dribbling down it." said Suzaku. His eyes glazing already with lust.

Lelouch ignored the comment and continue to drink it. _Bad Mistake_

The noirette felt something on his shoulders. The next thing he knows he was pinned to the vending machine, feeling Suzaku's soft lips against his.

"Mrph!" Lelouch tried to shake Suzaku off, but the brunette was too strong. Suzaku put pressure on Lelouch's lips, forcing the younger one to open his mouth. A wet tongue slipped in as the brunette massaged Lelouch. The sensation of both Suzaku's tongue inside his mouth and the fact that the older male is grinding his hips into Lelouch's made the noirette get more excited. As quickly as it started, Suzaku pulled away. Both males were panting heavily.

"Sorry," Suzaku's cheek's flushed,

"Tch, as if I would accept your apology. I though you hated diet coke."

"But this one had added Lelouch in it."

The noirette couldn't help but feel himself blush a little at this comment. _No! I mustn't._

"Just g-go home Suzaku. It's late."

"But..."

"Just leave!" Lelouch bellowed, already starting to shake. His forehead matted with sweat that made his bangs glued to his face, covering his eyes and his expression.

"I-I'm sorry..." the brunette said once more with a crack in his voice. It was the hurt the noirette heard in Suzaku's voice that killed him. With hesitation, the brunette then turned and ran off.

The raven-haired boy wanted to call out to Suzaku and say wait... but he shook his head. Walking to the fountain, he scooped up water and splashed it onto his face. _What are you doing?_ Lelouch laughed brokenly as he slid down the vending machine and onto the floor_. Remember what happened when you expose yourself? When you make yourself open to emotions? You become vulnerable. _

"Stop..." Lelouch cried out hoarsely. His own voice cracked and broke. He clutched his head, wanting the voices in his head to cease.

_Remember the sadness, anger and regret you felt when last time you were associated with love?_

"Stop!" The noirette was shaking

_Remember how he betrayed you. He lied to you, that he and you were going to stay together forever. That he loved you and no one else. You gave up your job, you gave up your friends, money, fame, and home all for him. What happened next? _The voice laughed cruelly, _you found him with another man, and another, and another. All sleeping in _your_ bed with _him_. All touching _him_. you couldn't believe him, so you ran out of the house in shock and scared that he might see you. He saw you alright. What does he do?_

"Please... stop!"

_He does _nothing. _Nothing at all. He just laughed and said you were never worth it. You know what the worst part is? He told you he loved you the night he betrayed you. Others told you and warned you, but you didn't listen. You were a puppet in his hand all along, but you didn't want to admit it._

Lelouch was shivering with tears as he cried silently. A flash back of a photo he treasured so dearly came up. His lover's face was blurred, the only thing that was visible was his golden hair. Memories flashed in his mind and words echoed off in his skull.

_You're not worth it...  
><em>

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><p><em>To be continued...<em>

***Shivers* that was a dark chapter ne? It seems like Suzaku isn't the only one that's gone through a rough past... Well, if you want to see what happens next, stay tuned! Review, comments, subscriptions are appreciated. Also, if you want to see special appearances, drop a comment!**

**`Till next time**

**-Neko  
><strong>


	4. Intruder alert!

**Quote of the chapter: Love, if you have it, you don't need anything else. If you don't have it, it doesn't matter what else you have. - anonymous **  
><strong>**

**Hey guys, it's Neko! Erm, all the current news is that release dates for all my work has been updated, the coming soon are updated_  
><em>**

****A/N: Thanks to my Code Geass editor 'secretserpent' for putting up with my over demanding plots and being patient to read everything. You're the best!  
><strong>**

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><p><em>~The next day, Lelouch's POV~<em>

The vibration of the phone jolted Lelouch awake. Eyes quickly getting use to the darkness, the noirette scanned the room for the annoying electronic, or more specifically, the annoying _person_ that decided to call. With clumsy fingers, he felt around his desk. Irritatedly knocking over pencil holders and tiny picture frames before grabbing the phone. Not bothering to check the caller I.D. before hanging up. _Does he have any idea what time it is?_ Grumbling as he walked back to his pile of twisted sheets and blanket.

_Buzz... Buzz..._ The phone rang relentlessly. Lelouch's eye twitched as his hand shot out and pressed the power button. Silencing the phone before clamping his eyes shut and squeezing his mind to go back to sleep. _Shut up and go to bed Suzaku..._

* * *

><p><em>~Meanwhile in Suz<em>_aku's apartment~_

_The person you've been trying to reach has already shut off their phone. Please try again later._

"Goddammit" Suzaku cursed before hanging up. He checked his clock. The hands ticking gently at 3:23 am. The brunette signed, if Lelouch won't answer his phone, he'll take other ways...

* * *

><p><em>~Ten minutes later~<em>

Lelouch purred happily in his sleep, nuzzling his cool pillow before turning to one side, enjoying every moment of the quietness.

_Creakkkk..._

Amethyst eyes snapped open as he was immediately aware of the window opening.

A figure stepped in breathing heavily. Hearing the footsteps getting closer and closer to the bed, the noirette decided to take action. Lelouch didn't have anything else, so he grabbed his table lamp and swung it as hard as he could towards the intruder's head. It was very dark, so he only hoped that it was hit. Lelouch felt the lamp slip from his hands as the intruder caught it and tossed it aside. The mysterious man pinned Lelouch down on the bed. In panic, Lelouch's instincts took over.

_Slap._

"Lelouch! It's me! Suzaku." the brunette shook a wildly stunned Lelouch and helped him up. Slivers of moonlight shone in from the window and shined on the cheek of Suzaku that was already turning red.

"Oh..." the noirette was at a loss of words, "S-sorry I bitch slapped you."

"I came all the way here, climbed a window and I get slapped? Your really know how to greet guests. Anyways, I came because I was worried. You looked really shaken up the last time we talked. You know, letting it out sometimes helps."

"I wasn't shaken up, I-it was just... cold out. Anyways, I d-don't wan to talk about it. We're not a bunch of chicks for goodness sake." the noirette bit his lip and turned away from Suzaku.

"It's fine if you don't want to talk now. Meet me at Mango Cafe tomorrow at 2? Here's the address."

"Mmm... Is that all you came here for? To tell me where to meet you?"

"Of course not."

Then the brunette closed the gap between the two and lips met. The kiss was soft and gentle, giving the noirette the chance to taste Suzaku's lips.

"I should go. You need sleep."

_Stay..._ The noirette's mind pleaded. _Stay with me... stay with me... Stay here. With me. Lelouch's mind repeated over and over again, each time getting louder and louder. On the other side, another part of Lelouch argued back. _No. Go away. I don't want to fall in love again. I'm tired of playing.__

_No...Yes...No...Yes... _voices whirred in Lelouch's head. making his dizzy and un-focused.

"Lelouch? Are you ok? I don't need to start doing mouth to mouth right?" Suzaku grinned slyly.

"W-what? oh, I'm fine. yes, you should go."

"Goodnight Lelouch." the brunette whispered before disappearing as quickly as he had come.

_Those last words._ The noirette ran to the washroom and splashed water on his face. trying to snap himself out of it. _It's no use._ Lelouch touched his head to the mirror. The tug-of-war came back. Only this time, it hurt somewhere else. _Suzaku... he's not messing up my mind. He's messing up my heart._

* * *

><p><em>~Suzaku's POV~<em>

The brunette touched his lips, feeling the scent of Lelouch still lingering around as he hurried back to his apartment in the cool weather. He thought about the doubt and the pain flickering behind those amethyst orbs and for some reason, he had a strange desire to be the one who erases the fear. _That damn Lelouch, he really is sly._

* * *

><p><em>To be continued<em>

**-Neko**


	5. Eavesdropping

**It's been a while... I know I know. Hey, this time, I have a decent excuse. Sick with the flu and stuck at home watching the price is right. Anyways, I'm back from the hell of snot-filled tissue wads *shivers* and with the fifth chapter. Also, I find it extremely hard not to type something like this with the story. It's truly addicting!  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Lelouch's POV<em>

The noirette seemed to have woken on the wrong side of the bed that day, or more closely, he seemed to have woken on the wrong side of the bathtub. He had fallen asleep in the tub trying to relax in a hot bath. Now the water was ice cold and he couldn't feel his hands. Droplets of water fell from the tips of his messy hair and down to the floor, quickly creating a puddle around Lelouch's feet. Cringing from the cold, he grabbed a towel hung up on the wall and buried himself in it., letting the fluffy fibers soak up the water. The idea of a hot cup of coffee seemed particularly inviting as he took his time drying his hair and otting on fresh a fresh shirt and pair of pants.

There was no time to rush because afterall, Suzaku is getting pretty good at being late.

"M-milly? Rolo? Is that you?" Lelouch called out to two familiar figures standing outside a coffee shop. The blond girl flipped her hair and was leaning on the sign that showed the letters "Mango Cafe". They both turned and a smile broke out. Half an hour later, they were busy chatting and catching up on their reunion.

"And that's the story of how I met my perfect prince charming, until I dumped him. Can you believe it? He hates my cooking! Who hates my omelet special with extra sauce?"

Lelouch and Rolo both grimaced at the taste. Milly shot a look at Lelouch, focusing her 'lazer beam' glare right into the noirette's. Rolo gave Lelouch an apologetic smile and responded quickly,

"No Milly, you're absolutely right! That guy is a douche for hating on your cooking."

Lelouch held back a chuckle. "So how's it going for you Rolo?"

Tears streamed down Milly's face as she grabbed Lelouch's shoulders, "Can you believe it Lulu? Rolo finally got a boyfriend! His name is Damien and ever since they got together, they're inseparable. On their one week anniversary, he got Rolo 100 red roses. Red. Roses." the blond finished with another dramatic pose.

Lelouch laughed while Rolo flushed into a deep pink.

"So..." Milly's smile slowly morphed into a wolfish grin, 'How it for you?"

"Well," Lelouch began, already regretting that he's even saying something about it, "I met a guy at the club..."

* * *

><p><em>Suzaku's POV<em>

The brunette fumbled with his wallet and tried to find any money that could be in there. Fortunately, a crumbled up fifty dollar bill reluctantly showed itself and fell out of it's hiding spot. He smiled cheekily and handed it to the cashier, receiving what he wanted. A glass bell. Suzaku allowed himself a small chuckle at the sight of how much Lelouch reminded him of a cat.'This will cheer him up' the brunette thought exiting the shop before sprinting to the cafe. He was late... oh well.

* * *

><p><em>Lelouch's POV<em>

"And that was it." the noirette finished with two wildly starring back.

"L-Lelouch," Rolo urged, "You know what happened to you when you had your last relationship, maybe this is not the time yet."

"Rolo's right." Milly cut in, "I may hate your sense of style, your crappy attitude and basically everything else but even I wouldn't want you like that ever."

"Yeah... but he seems really not the type to mess someone up." Lelouch blurted out, surprised at the words that came out of his mouth.

"That's what he wants you to think. Lulu. Face it. In real life, guys, not including Rolo, only want three things. First, sex. Second, money and third, a partner to be with until they find their next 'main squeeze'. Its a never ending cycle, and it's what men live for. He's only pretending to be nice, or he's pitying you that your first relationship was bad. In this world, there's not a thing called true love."

"He's only pitying me?" the noirette sighed. Suddenly the sky didn't seem as bright and his stomach tied itself in knots.

"Yes. He is. You really don't love him. You only feel that way because you haven't had a relationship for a while. Just dump him. It'll save you a lot of heartache later. You aren't actually falling for him... are you?"

Violet eyes were immediately alert, "Of course not, I'm just playing with him. You're right. It's probably because I didn't have a relationship in a while," the noirette forced out a dry and sad laugh, "I'll rip his heart out later. I want some amusement for now."

"Good." the blond's eyes starred into Lelouch's. As if she knew if he was telling the truth or the lie. Alarmed, Lelouch was stiff.

"Well, see you around Lulu." The noirette let out a small sigh of relief under his breath. Glad that Milly has came back to his old nickname.

"Anyways. if you have any pro-ouch!" Milly winced as a man in a leather jacket bumped past her.

"Freaking psycho. Anyways, just call me if you have any problems. Later."

"S-sure." Lelouch was no longer paying attention to what the blond was saying. All he wanted to do was see Suzaku and hear him say it's ok. 'Fuck, where is he?' The noirette pulled out his phone is desperation and called the brunette. After several attempts, there was only failure. The noirette's heart sped up as he rushed to Suzaku's house. 'It's eating me alive... It's poison... it's poison... it's poison, and I don't care.'

* * *

><p><strong>Big round of applause for secretserpent that put up with someone like me and edited flawlessly! <strong>

**Ok, we are almost done here. How'd you like the fifth chapter. Suggestions, comments and subscriptions are always welcome! Ack, I know I've been slow at updating, but I'm monituring the reviews to see if people like it, so if you want faster updates, review!**

**Till next time**

**-Neko  
><strong>


	6. Warmth

_~Lelouch's POV~_

A weekend to most people seem like total relaxation and frankly, they always complain that it's too short. But for Lelouch, it was living hell. Every minute seemed to crawl by. The noirette starred intensely at his phone, as if it would disappear after one ring. His encounter with Milly and Rolo made him unable to sleep. Lelouch messaged Suzaku every hour, his anxiety growing with each passing day that Suzaku hasn't returned them. Unable to take it anymore, Lelouch walked feverishly to the subway station to visit the brunette's apartment.

10:40pm

The noirette fidgeted with his fingers and bit his lips while he waited for the subway to arrive. Unbelievably tense, he jumped at the gentle 'ding' sound that the doors made as they slid smoothly open. The smell of perfume greeted him, overpowering and making his head dizzy. Lelouch's mind was racing at what to do if Suzaku wasn't home; Or worse, what to do if he _was. _

"Lelouch?"

"Eep!" the noirette couldn't help but make that sound.

" Suzaku, what are you..." he leaped to to his feet, "why haven't you returned my calls or my texts?"

"My phone was... broken." the brunette muttered, not meeting the noirette's eyes.

"Liar!" Lelouch spat, "you always tap your finger on something when you lie."

" I do not!" _tap tap tap tap... _Suzaku scowled, "Why should I waste my time on someone who is just screwing around with me? Does it amuse you Lelouch? Does it amuse you to toy with people's feelings?"

"What?" Lelouch's mind was racing. What the fuck was Suzaku talking about? How was he screwing around? Rage flicked in amethyst eyes. _He_ did nothing at all. _He_ should be the one confronting Suzaku. _He_ had the right to get mad, not the other way around! His mind was searching for an answer. The brunette starred at Lelouch, but instead of meeting Suzaku's gaze, Lelouch squinted at Suzaku's jacket that he was wearing... it seemed so familiar.

_"Anyways. If you have any pro-ouch!" _A flashback of Milly wincing appeared in Lelouch's thoughts.

_"Freaking psycho. As I was saying, just call me if you have any problems. Later."_

Shit! Suzaku was the one in the jacket that bumped into Milly, he was listening the whole time.

"You heard what I said to Milly?"

" Yes I did, and I would be happy to let you know that I was perfectly content when I left that morning. You know what Lelouch, after I started meeting up with you, I really believed that you were trustworthy and bold. You were special..." Lelouch flinched when Suzaku called him that.

" But I was stupid enough to fall for your acting." Suzaku's tone turned cold and flat. "The show's over Lelouch, I've been completely fooled. Good for you. The act is up and you can take a big old bow."

"Look, I didn't mean the things-"

"Then what did you mean?" Suzaku snarled

"Shut the fuck up and listen for God's sake Suzaku!" Lelouch yelled, his hand smacking the side window. The brunette was steaming, but he allowed himself to sit down. Lelouch sighed and sat beside him. Controlling his voice as best he could.

"They asked me what was the deal with you hanging around with me all the time. I couldn't blame them for being protective since me last relationship... didn't end well."

"Your last relationship?"

"Long story that you don't need to know about."

"Go on," the brunette was still starring, but gaze softened.

"They told me that you were just playing with me, that you would leave once you found someone else, and I better not get attached because it'll only hurt more when you leave."

"Do you really think that I would do that?" Suzaku caressed Lelouch's face.

"I don't know!" the noirette slapped the hand away. " Don't you see what's going on? I can feeling it happening again. It's hurting me, and I'm afraid, I'm scared that if this continues-" The noirette was cut off by the brunette's embrace.

"Dummy, you think I don't feel like that too? I love you Lelouch. I do."

The noirette's eyes were moist as Suzaku said that, feeling his warmth course through his body, feeling his long, protective arms wrapped around him, and feeling his own heartbeat match to his.

"Whenever I see you, I don't know what to say, whenever you touch me I feel like my skin's on fire, and whenever I see you with someone else, my heart constricts, Lelouch. See what you're doing to me? And you say you're afraid." He pause to smiled down at Lelouch. "But because I love you, I'll never let anything hurt you."

"You swear on that?"

"I swear."

* * *

><p>"Oh, I forgot to give you this," Suzaku handed Lelouch a small box. The two were cuddled up in Suzaku's bed after their 'episode' on the subway. The noirette tore open the wrappings, eager to see what was inside.<p>

"Why a bell?" he asked, holding the delicate thing up so he could see it better in the moonlight. The bell was silver, the size of a child's palm. It was decorated by tiny circle cutouts and gentle swooping lines near the bottom. When Lelouch shook it, it produced a clean, crisp sound.

"I'll leave you to figure it out." The brunette smiled.

Lelouch's mind slowing began to unravel the mystery.

"You think I'm... a CAT? Suzaku you fucking bastard! I'm not at all like those filthy beats!" Lelouch yelled and chased after Suzaku, who was already escaping. Before he could start to run, he tripped on a picture that was half buried between the nightstand. He paused to pick it up, stuffed it in his pocket to hand to Suzaku later, and prepared to kill the brunette. Life was good.

* * *

><p><strong>Hehe ^_^ finally! The 6th chapter is out, woot woot! It took way longer than I though, but I managed to cram through all of it today, so it's all good =_=<strong>  
><strong> This chapter is quite fluffy in the end, as Suzaku finally confessed to Lelouch about his feelings! Congrats Suzaku, you are a true man... now if only Lelouch would dress up as a kitty maid... then everything would be peachy!<br>**

**I don't know if Lelouch's character this chapter was a bit OCC, his attitude usually is always stuck up and has a tremendous ego, so it was a bit weird writing him being all soft and talking about his feelings O.o**

**Anyways, I'm off to finish my other fanfictions~ Subs, favorites and reviews are always welcome XD  
><strong>

**-Neko  
><strong>


	7. Bad Habits

**AHH! I can't help it. I love angst-filled fanfictions!**

* * *

><p>After all that he's been through, Lelouch really thought that he would have kicked those damn habits. He thought he would have stopped waking up at dawn and go back to being a night owl. He thought that he would've stopped cupping that silver bell whenever he would get nervous. Tracing the intricate designs and feeling every bump and curve.<p>

He thought he would've stopped hearing snippets of Suzaku's laughter bubbling up in his head. Swimming and wandering at the space where his heart once had been, but now filled with nothingness. And he smokes more that ever now, but that was no surprise.

So when he found out that Suzaku was with his ex, it made it hurt even more.

Gino Weinberg was an interesting figure, and Lelouch had long suspected that he too had worked at a club before. He appeared to be sunny and full of energy with a hint of slyness that Lelouch never noticed. Gino had Lelouch wrapped around his pinky and was in total control. Lelouch didn't find out anything until that night he came home from work. Of all the people that Suzaku, _his Suzaku_, would be cheating on him with, it had to be Gino.

* * *

><p><em>Suzaku's POV<em>

Lelouch can be a closed book if he wanted too, and right now, the lock was sealed shut and the key had just-so-happened to vanish from sight._  
><em>

_"Why Suzaku?" Lelouch's voice sent shivers down the brunette's spine as he tried to make sense of what the younger man was saying.  
><em>

Suzaku awoke to another dream filled with Lelouch, and what happened that day. Shuddering, he got out of bed and took a cold shower.

_"You cheated on me with that.. that bastard!"_

It's been two weeks since that happened, and Lelouch literally seemed to have disappeared from existence.

_"What? Was it the photo Lelouch? You have to listen to me, that photo was taken four months ago. I already broke up with him before I met you. Please Lelouch. Where are you? I need to talk to you about this."  
><em>

After the job interview he managed to book, Suzaku miraculously got an unbelievable position of a CEO at a new company that was just opened a few weeks ago. The manager seemed to really like him, and gave him the job right away. Putting on a tie and giving it one last adjustment, Suzaku headed out the door._  
><em>

_"Four months ago? You really don't when to give up huh? The date on the back of the photo says that it was taken on Mar 2nd, that was two days ago you fucking prick."  
><em>

Waving to a taxi, Suzaku got in and handed the driver the location. He had not yet gotten used to driving the car that the company provided, so he opted for the cab._  
><em>

_"What? That can't be possible..." Suzaku trailed off, boggled by the date. He knew that the date was incorrect, but why did it show March and not November? _

He reached his office and opened his laptop. A quick scan at his email, and only to see it full of business ads, he went to work; Approving papers and signing contracts.

_"I knew that this was a bad idea, but you made it seem so right Suzaku. I could've left after the club meeting, but I stayed, and ignored all the warnings since you looked so sincere. But boy was I wrong. Let me just tell you one thing. It's going to come back," Lelouch said with thick venom, "It's all going to come back one day and ruin you, Suzaku Kururugi." _

With a sigh, Suzaku spun around in his chair and starred out the window of the building, _his building. Something was not right about the photo. _The brunette tried to recall what happened, but it only made his head hurt. _Whatever it is, I'll get to the bottom of it. _Lelouch was impossible to get to when he was in a state of complete anger, and was just like the saying, 'if you play with fire you get burned'. But then again, no matter how much the danger was, Suzaku was always captivated by it. _  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Lelouch's POV<em>

Getting laid by men was easy. They would unzip their pants, get the lube and grip his hips before Lelouch could even reach for a condom. He never had to work for it because his status in the club and the others' hormones already does that for him. All Lelouch really had to do was plaster a smirk on his face, wiggle his hips, mew out little moans and make it look lewd even though the sensations only turned him off.

Those men were easy to handle. There were no arguments, no complaints and barely any words exchanged.

Except Lelouch didn't want that. He wants stress, the tension, and the pain and pleasure of being with Suzaku so much it hurts. He wants it the way Suzaku thrust him against the way so hard, it leaves bruises on his shoulders, back and thighs. So hard that he would limp the next day. So hard that it made him crave even more. He wants it the way how the brunette would whisper sweet words in his ear that tickled. The way he would kiss Lelouch on each eyelid and wipe the sweat and bangs off his face when it was rough. He wants the aggression that Suzaku and him both share. He wants how Suzaku would moan deeply whenever he would get it just right. He wants how Suzaku was innocent, but can be so rough at the same time.

He threw the butt of a cigarette down on the pavement beside the club. Stepping on it to put out the spark before going back inside to finish his shift.

And the thing that stood out to him most was that despite having this happen, he still wanted Suzaku.

Lelouch choked out a strained laugh

Again, not a surprise.

* * *

><p><strong>-A. Lullaby<strong>


	8. Whisper

All you could hear outside of Suzaku Kururugi's office door was the sound of someone furiously typing, and that guess was proven true-for three whole days.

Since the phone call, the brunette was determined to find out about both the photo and Gino. After he and Gino broke up, Suzaku never saw him in person again. His phone lines, emails, everything was disconnected all of a sudden. That led to suspicion for Suzaku. Dating Gino was a bit like dating Lelouch. They both were argument filled, and each day was like a battle zone; With neither sides giving up. But the big difference was that being with Gino felt that he was being _used._ Every time they would have sex, it was always when Gino would want to do it. Every position, every place, every thrust was under the command of Gino. _No you dumb ass, rub it smoothly, not in little jerks. _But Suzaku was still in-experienced at that time, and didn't know how to handle it. So naturally, he obeyed without question. Exactly what Gino had wanted.

Suzaku didn't become tired of being with Gino until he started to see the _real_ person underneath the smiles and kisses. Despite his appearance of innocence, Gino always wanted it his way, and always knew just how to get it. Suzaku began to notice that it started with little things like getting a seat at a packed restaurant on Saturday night by flirting with the waitress, or talking himself out of getting a speeding ticket by seducing the police officer. Suzaku didn't exactly like it, but Gino always apologized with sweet words and a stunning smile that had always made the brunette's heart flutter.

Until those thing grew bigger. Gino started talking to the bank about borrowing money and not paying them back, and it was not a few thousand, it was a few hundred thousands. The small local bank eventually found out and went to Suzaku's apartment to ask. Gino went outside and talked to the guy; Suzaku didn't know what he said, but all he knew that the bank teller never came back to his apartment again to ask about the money. Things only got stranger there. The next week, that bank teller was found on the street. Dead, with a gash at his side. Police claimed it was suicide, but they later found that it was by someone else. Then, Suzaku found that his bank account has been missing money. A few hundred dollars short here and there. Of course, he told everything to Gino, and the blond nodded with concern; Followed by reassurance and comfort that seemed so genuine that Suzaku couldn't not believe him.

Suzaku traced his memory back carefully, hoping to get more clues. His money in his account eventually dropped dangerously low, and that was when he received the text from Gino saying that he couldn't do this anymore...Suzaku cursed under his breath. He checked his old email that wasn't opened for months, and there it was, Gino saying "I'm sorry, please come back" right after he had got the job as the CEO. Suzaku growled at the fact that he had found out Gino's tricks, and was furious on how he was so heart broken for nothing. But he still didn't understand one part, why did the photo's date change? Minutes ticked by in total silence, and Suzaku inhaled sharply suddenly; Then grabbed his coat and ran.

He had given Gino the key to his apartment months back when they were still together, and Gino must have saw Lelouch and him together after he was the CEO. Tears of regret and fear welled in the brunette's eyes and a single thought in his head made his heart beat a million times a second.

_Please let Lelouch be safe..._

* * *

><p><em>Lelouch's POV<em>

Lelouch snarled, his face contorted to pure rage as he threw a beer bottle on the floor. The fragile glass shattered into a million pieces upon hitting the marble.

"What do you mean you're firing me for this?"Lelouch shook the file violently, "I didn't do anything that was reported on here."

"I don't know if you really did it or not Lelouch, and personally, I trust that you didn't, but the news had already reached the local court, and the club itself is going to be closed down if you don't leave..." Rivalz chewed his lip nervously. Seeing that Lelouch was in enough of a crappy mood to begin with, he didn't want to be the unlucky person who takes all the heat.

Lelouch just starred at Rivalz's face, trying to get something out of it.

Seeing the noirette not respond only made the hairs on Rivalz's back stand up even more,

"Um... bu-but if you want, I can re-arrange job interviews for you. I know some people who could use a waiter for a cafe, or a-"

"I don't need your help." Lelouch shot back, his eyes flared. He turned and walked to the door, stopping for a few seconds to give Rivalz, his manager, his friend, and someone who he thought was way too nervous for his own good one last look.

"Rivalz, I sincerely hope that your club will keep doing fine."

With that said, the noirette opened the glass doors of the club, exhaling once and walked down the street; Leaving Rivalz alone, not knowing whether to be scared or grateful.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until later that night that the reality of everything had finally kicked in. With Lelouch finding out Suzaku was with Gino, his work was the only place that could keep his mind out of the ever-growing black hole, and he always had Rivalz to talk to. Now with the clock beeping 11:30 pm, reminding him to go to a job that he had lost. Taking another huge gulp of beer that sent burning sensations down his throat, Lelouch managed out a shudder. Feeling as if the walls were closing in on him, he ran outside, and took big gulps of air from the cool night.<p>

It must have been at least a minute after that Lelouch had realize where he was going. He was headed for the club, and had to mentally tell his feet to stop walking. He jerked a left and ended up on a bridge. Starring down at the water that was 3 stories below, a wave of agony swept over him.

_"I'm sorry Lelouch..." there was even a hint of pity hovering in Rivalz's words_

He had lost his job

_"It'll all come back one day and ruin you, Suzaku Kururugi!"_

He had lost his Suzaku

Tears fell freely from his eyes down to his shirt, the water dissolving quickly in the cotton.

But most importantly-and Lelouch barked out a laugh at this- out of all the things that he had, this experience has chosen to take away his sanity.

The wind picked up, creating ripples across the calm body of water. Through the gusts, Lelouch could have sworn he heard a voice.

_"All you have to do it jump..."_

Lelouch scrunched up his eyebrows. He wasn't sure if it was the wind playing tricks with his ears or someone talking. After all, he did drink a lot of beer.

_"Just one step, and all your troubles will disappear, I promise you."_

Feeling light headed and his control slipping, Lelouch wanted to believe that voice that was ghosting around, whether it was imaginary or not. He stumbled and took a step forward.

He wanted to do it, but he shook his head, only to make the vertigo even worse. Lelouch took out his phone and tried to text Suzaku. He waited for him to reply with pleading eyes. Hours went by, and it was when the time on his phone showed 3 am that Lelouch realized that Suzaku didn't care.

_"Just one step"_

"Just one step..." Lelouch repeated, his words slurred now that the alcohol had kicked in. Now right on the ledge of the bridge, he could see the water currents more clearly, and noticed that they were a lot rougher that earlier. He took a breath, and looked at the city-scape that sat on the horizon of the water one last time.

"What do I have to lose?" he said hoarsely, then, without giving himself a chance to talk himself out of it. Lelouch jumped.

* * *

><p><em>When you have lost everything you ever cared for, do you still have the will to go on?<em>

* * *

><p><strong>A. Lullaby<strong>


	9. Heartbeat

**Special thanks to Phantom Ou for beta-ing this fic~**

* * *

><p>"Shit..." Suzaku bolted down to the apartment where Lelouch lived. After knocking on the door furiously for great amount of time, it was confirmed that the noirette wasn't there.<p>

_Beep beep..._

The faint sound of something ringing reached Suzaku's ears. Soon his buzzing epinephrine hormones cooled down, and he recognized that the rings were coming from his phone. Immediately, the brunette fetched it from his pocket and flipped it open. Scanning the screen, he realized he has made a horrible mistake. Because he was so keen on getting to Lelouch's apartment, Suzaku has ignored the strange beeping noise that was in the background, having insisted that it was only imaginary.

The automated message sounded: "Sorry, the person that you have called is unavailable at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep..."

"Shit!" Suzaku closed the cell, and he forced himself to stay calm. The text was sent three hours ago, and thanks to Suzaku's crappy phone, it has taken a lot longer to receive it. A million thoughts processed through his head as he tried to think of a logical calculation of where Lelouch can be at. _He could be anywhere by now..._

"Hey, Suzaku, what are you doing here?"

The brunette spun around to see Rivalz walking up the stairs.

"Why are you here by yourself?" Suzaku questioned.

"I just came to see if Lelouch was back in his apartment. I saw him earlier running somewhere, but he didn't answer when I called him. Just wanted to make sure that he was back."

Suzaku narrowed his eyes in a skeptical manner. "What do you mean? Isn't Lelouch supposed to be at the club?"

"Yeah..." Rivalz sheepishly averted his gaze to the ground. "I fired him today..."

"_What_?" Suzaku exclaimed, feeling a shiver crawl down his spine. "Where did you see him run to?"

"Towards the bridge beside the subway station down at the 19th avenue. Why?"

Not wasting any more time , Suzaku renewed his focus and scurried back down the staircase, muttering a note of gratitude to Rivalz as he exited the building. Suzaku managed to let out a soft laugh that was deprived of humor. It never really occurred to him why he was going through all of this just for Lelouch. When Lelouch had spat those last words on the phone with Suzaku, it hurt. It really did, yet somehow, it was a relief to be able to hear his voice.

There definitely existed a spark between the two men. It is a weird spark that at times shifts from feisty to sweet—but it typically leaves the brunette in anger. However, it was that spark that has revived Suzaku and impelled him to live his life instead of sitting in depression. If he has not met Lelouch, the brunette would have probably refered to life as stale, old bread. But Lelouch, in spite of how perturbing and irritable he was, saved him. He gave him a reason to smile, even if it meant hearing the noirette bitch about being late or having no head at times. The connection between the two was bothersome, and it usually left the two huffing away, but at that moment that Suzaku was running to a place where Lelouch could have possibly left hours ago, it was the only thing that matters the most.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until the brunette saw the lights and sirens that his head really began to spin. He stampeded feverishly to the nearest police, shielding his eyes from the blinding red and blue lights that shone forth from the officer's car.<p>

"What happened?" Suzaku yelled, partly because of his anger, and partly because the sirens were drowning out his voice.

The policed squinted. "There was a raven-haired man that fell off the bridge."

Beside him, another man snorted, "Fell off? He was committing suicide by the looks of it. The bridge's sides are made with reinforced steel bars. Someone wouldn't fall by accident."

An electric shock jolted through Suzaku's body, and desperation clinged to him, "Where is he now? Lelouch, where is he?"

"You mean the guy that fell in the water? He's been taken to the hospital. The water currents in this river are pretty strong, kid. We found him caught in a nearby branch about half a mile down west. I don't know how long ago it was, but the guy looked like he was in a pretty bad shape. Must've bumped into a few rocks while he was floatin'," the police grumbled, with a cigarette dangling from his lips. "Hey, kid, you got a light?"

If Suzaku wasn't in a hurry to get to the hospital, he would have punched the police _hard. _His selfish attitude and overall disposition made him undeserving to be an officer. Ever since he was little, Suzaku has always paid respect to the police forces, but now, he felt sick and nauseous watching this man. The brunette thrust the lighter he retrieved from his breast pocket into the man's hand and rushed to the hospital.

* * *

><p>He could not desist from bustling even after he arrived at the hospital. Suzaku searched for Lelouch in a frenzy, his eyes warily scanning the interior of the building.<p>

From behind him, a voice directed, "Move it, kid; we have an emergency here."

Another voice followed, and this one belonged to a woman's, "He's in a critical state. I need an oxygen mask ready in Room One."

The brunette turned around, and he almost burst into tears. There _he _was, Lelouch in the flesh—or what was left of him. He was bruised and bloody to a great degree, and was hardly recognizable. His body was pale and limp, and his eyes were sealed shut.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku rasped. He reached for the trolley and ran with the doctors to the nearby room. The dismaying feeling of uselessness seized him when he realized that he couldn't do anything more than to pray with all his heart that the noirette would be alright.

"Hey, kid, I know this is hard, but you need to leave," the male doctor said, with his forehead creased into a frown.

"No, Albert, let's just get to work," the woman replied before Suzaku could protest.

The next three hours was like an eternity with each minute crawling by at a sluggish pace. Suzaku is perched in the corner of the operation room while the doctors rushed to tend to Lelouch. The sounds of metal tinkering against metal and heavy breathing filled the room. The strong copper scent of blood made the brunette feel queasy and unsettled. He didn't concentrate on what they were doing, or even what they were saying. All he could bear to hear was the heart monitor's beeps. With each beep came another heartbeat—it was another hopeful second that granted a chance for Lelouch to be by his side.

It was another second that Lelouch could live.

It was another second that-

_Beep... Beep... Beep- _

_The heart monitor was quiet..._

_T.B.C_

* * *

><p><strong>A. Lullaby<strong>


	10. Self Control

**It's here! The long awaited tenth chapter!**

* * *

><p>Suzaku froze. His breath jagged and uneven, he had to twist his mind painfully into reality as he tried to un-jumble the facts.<p>

He staggered like a drunk person towards the bed where Lelouch lied on. His fingers ghosting along the side of the younger male's unmoving face. Frowning at how pale his skin was in contrast to his raven black hair, but admiring his beautiful features that rivalled an angels.

He was dead... Lelouch, the one that Suzaku wished he'd never see again when he first met him on the subway.

The person that he felt was made for him the first time they had sex; the younger male's body perfected shaped for his own.

The person that he felt was tearing his heart out when they had their first actual fight. Having being completely in rage, only to find minutes later that it was getting harder to breath.

Lelouch,

The person that made Suzaku crash and burn into hell so sweetly,

He was dead.

Cold lips met equally as cold ones as Suzaku put his heart and soul into that final intimate embrace. Kissing Lelouch with so much pain and emotion that Suzaku felt like he was going to burn up from the heat of agony that he had in him.

Suzaku wanted to shout. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs at the person he loved to wake up. To stop scaring him. That the game was no longer funny. But all he could manage was to kiss Lelouch.

The action wasn't held for long as Suzaku numbly felt the hands of doctors pushing him away so that they could try to save noirette. The shouts were distant, and Suzaku tried to squint at the assistant to focus. It hurt is head, so he stopped.

He had wished that they'd never met, maybe then Suzaku wouldn't be breaking on the inside. Maybe he wouldn't have even known that he was gay, and went on to start a family with a wife and kids.

Family... Wife... It was strange saying words like that, and what once was a beautiful goal of his now seemed to decay. The brunette almost felt repulsive thinking about it.

_You don't actually want that_... A voice inside Suzaku's mind whispered softly.

_You know you would never change what happened, even if you knew what was going to happen._

_No_... Suzaku said. It took every ounce of self control for him to think that he would be better off never meeting Lelouch. He knew that it was selfish of him to do this, but admitting that would cause the last string of sanity that his soul clutched on so tightly the moment he met Lelouch to snap.

It's poison... Suzaku realized bitterly. Sweet, sweet poison. Thick like molasses that's slowly intoxicating him, surrounding him, suffocating him.

* * *

><p>The blond crackled out a laugh. Starring out into the busy city lights with a whiskey in one hand and a lighter in the other.<p>

"Sir, I've completed the manipulation of the scene. The disc can be played at any time."

"Excellent."

Gino twirled the disc in his hand, "Love, such a small thing eh? Yet so many people fall victim to it... Including you Suzaku."

Gino spat out the last words. A flash of anger appeared on his face, twisting his handsomely chiseled features into something ugly.

"No matter..." He clutched the disc tightly, as if it were his lifeline, "this will be the downfall of you Suzaku Kururugi. I want to you pay."

He then continued to stare outside the glass of his windows, the ice in the whiskey being heard as they move around.

The intern couldn't help but shudder as he left Gino deep in his thoughts. He hurried down the shadowed corridors, the only thing that he could hear was his heart thumping wildly out his chest, and his only thought was to get out of the building. Maybe if he calmed down a little more, or if he was just a little more attentive about his surrounding, he could have noticed a blurry figure following his in the dark, or heard the clicking of the machine being loaded.

Instead, he felt the cool metal of the weapon being pressed to the back of his head.

He didn't even have time to yell when the trigger pulled back.

_Bang_

The cloaked man stepped out of the shadows, and dragged the intern's motionless body into a duffle bag.

"Sir, the intern is killed with no interruptions."

"Good." the man on the other side of the phone smirked, "We would hate for him to ruin the surprise."

"Very well sir, I will depart."

"Wait a second, before you go Mr. Reid, you still need to return something."

The man paused, "what is it I need to return sir?"

"Your life."

The man fell heavily to the ground as he watches his own blood seeping onto the carpet.

He died like that, trembling as he watched the crimson liquid run out, and listening to the sound of ice clinking.

* * *

><p>A bubble of laughter rose up, and Suzaku let it out. It was strangled and raw, but Suzaku felt good. Actually, he felt great. So he started laughing some more. The sounds became louder, and his eyes became clouded. Until the thinnest string that he had so carefully weaved in his heart snapped. A full fledged crazed bark of laughter escaped his lips, and the nurse beside him glared the best she could while rushing to hand over the scalpel to the doctor.<p>

The clean beep of a defilabrator sounded, followed by a muted out shock.

"Sir, we are trying to save a life here, and we would very much appreciate it if you could just leave us to do our job."

"What's the point. He's dead already."

There was no reply from anyone, so Suzaku left.

Leaving his heart plummeting into hell.

* * *

><p><strong>Ohh~ Gino is one mean bitch am I right?<strong>

**I apologize to all of you who that are following the story for not updating for half a year. I hit a writers block for this, and for some time I thought about my own work, and how so many other authors out there have better written work then me. So I was doing a tug a war with myself for quite sometime. Thank you to those who reviewed and private messageed me to keep going. You really saved me there, and I have already written up the rest if the story, so I will be updating regularly (every week) until the end.**

**Reviews are what keeps me going guys!**

**-A. Lullaby**


	11. Eva

**Welcome to the suspenseful chapter 11, where we find out if our beloved Suzaku has gone insane enough that he'll commit suicide... **

**As if! That would be way too predictable, so instead, here is a side story about giggly pudding to relieve the tension...**

**...**

**Just kidding~ There will be no suicides nor pudding in this chapter (bummer, I know...) And not very action/suspenseful either, since Lelouch isn't really moving... at all...**

**Enjoy?**

* * *

><p>"Lelouch~" A singsong voice floated into Lelouch's ears, waking him from his sleep. He opened his eyes to a blue mass of liquid. Or was it a solid? The noirette frowned, and tried to distinguish what he was lying, or rather, <em>floating<em> in.

"Where...am I?"

"You're in whatever you want to be in."

Lelouch snorted,

"Please don't tell me your my fucking fairy god mother, and this is a magical land where everything is edible."

"He puts up with it doesn't he?"

"Who?" The noirette tried to get up, but his body didn't respond.

"Suzaku."

He flinched when the voice mentioned the brunette,

"How did you know about everything that went on in my life? And since you seem to know so much, tell me how to get out of here."

"Interesting. I haven't met anyone who proposed such a deal before."

"What do you mean." Lelouch gritted his teeth. He was getting pretty annoyed with who ever, or rather_ what ever_, was talking to him.

"I can show you the way out, but the question is, do you truly want to escape here?"

"What a dumbass question, of course I want to get out of this creepy place. What am I in anyways?"

"Your confused thoughts, emotions, dreams. Whatever is not physical, but exists in your brain is what you are in. You cannot move, because you are constantly struggling with contradicting emotions. Humans are dictated by doubtful feelings, and soon, those feelings would end up overwhelming your sanity, trapping you. You will not speak, you will not move, you would just melt into this mass of blue. Just like all the others."

"Tell me how to get out!" Lelouch yelled with all the force he could muster, but he noticed his voice is getting weaker by the second.

"Why go back? Why are you sure that all the people you've interacted with haven't given up on you yet. Milly, Rolo, Suzaku. What proof do you have that they haven't moved on with their lives in the time that you were here?"

"You must not go out much."

"Explain your comment."

Lelouch allowed himself a small smirk,

"I know my friends won't quit on me. I've been with them long enough to know that they won't do anything like that. If they did, I'll kick their sorry asses until they beg me to take them back."

_As for Suzaku..._

"Very well. To escape, you must to focus on one thought, and one thought only. The state that you are formed in right now cannot withstand so many confused feelings at once, so you must force it to hold on to what you think will keep it going."

Lelouch inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He pictured starry skies, it was raining that night wasn't it? He let his mind drift off into that memory as the familiar sound of the rain wash over any other thoughts.

* * *

><p>It happened the night after Suzaku gave him the silver bell. Funny how the sound of it still echoes through his mind sometimes.<p>

"Lelouch!" A strained voice called over the thunder, and the noirette felt a warm body descend apon his own shivering one.

"What the fuck are you doing here? Do you not realize that it's nearly two in the morning and it's fucking thunder storming outside?"

"It is?" Lelouch let out a wry smile, and looked up at those emerald eyes that made his stomach flutter every time. They were burning with rage and concern tonight, but no less striking.

"I... I'm going through a lot right now."

"No shit you are. What are you going to tell me next, that you're on your period. Look, I don't care what you were thinking, but no problem is worth wrecking your body over."

"What do you know about me huh? You probably don't want me catch a disease so the next time when you fuck me, you won't catch in either. Stop caring so much about me, you act like you do so naturally it scares me. I don't need your comfort, your smile, your _pity_."

It wasn't until he stopped that Lelouch realized he was shouting. He felt horrible. He felt lonely, angry, _exposed._

"Is that really what you think? Do you really not want anyone to ever be there for you?"

"You don't understand, I just want to be happy." Something wet was running down the noriette's face. He wasn't sure if it was tears, the rain, or his imagination. Perhaps all three.

"Do you honestly think caving yourself in will make you happy?"

Lelouch dug his nails deeper into his palms. He hated the way Suzaku's voice sound, the way he made him feel.

"Lelouch, your right..."

He felt his heart sink a little, and he sat back down on the soaking swing in the middle of a children's playground. Lightning flashed, followed by the deafening sound of thunder.

"I don't understand what happened, and I probably won't be able to help, but I told you in the subway, I'm telling you now, and I'll tell you everyday for the rest of your life,"

He hated how his voice melted his heart.

"I love you, and I'll never let anything hurt you."

Following that voice, Lelouch felt like he was being lifted off the ground. A light was starting to shimmer in a crack of the blue mass, and he knew he was close. Lelouch closed his eyes and tried to refocus again. He could still feel how his clothes clung to his skin, and how Suzaku wrapped his arms around him.

_"I... Love... You..."_ The words were fuzzy and played over and over in Lelouch's head like a broken cassette tape.

"Me too." Lelouch whispered, before the brightness fully engulfed him.

* * *

><p>"I think he's waking up"..."Heart rate looks good"..."Blood pressure beginning to calm"...<p>

Lelouch woke to blinding lamps casted apon him.

_Snap_

The noirette flinched on reflex, and tried his best to glare at who ever did that. The action left an unpleasant ringing lingering in his ears.

"Senses are good."

"Lelouch,"

"Yes?" A growl reached his throat.

"How are you feeling." The doctor's voice was cool and composed, clearly fake and well practiced.

"I feel like I got ran over by a bus."

"Well," Mr. perfect chuckled, "we did almost lose you. Your heart stopped beating for a little over five minutes. To be honest, we thought the lack of oxygen in your brain would've been too much. Luckily, we had a very skilled team of doctors here tonight."

Rows of pearly white teeth grinned at Lelouch. The noirette felt sick.

"Oh... Uh, thank you."

"Not a problem. You have just woken up, and I assume you need rest. We will check in on you shortly."

Lelouch nodded, grateful that they were leaving. He was about to close his eyes when he was inturupted.

"Lelouch, do you happen to know anyone named Suzaku?"

He looked to his side, expecting to see the doctor with his blinding white teeth, but instead, found him glaring at a young woman. She looked like she was in her mid twenties. Blond, had a good figure too, but she wasn't vulgar. A friendly smile and light makeup reinforced his thought.

"Yes, what about him?"

"Mr. Suzaku was in this room the entire time. He showed great concern of your health, and I could tell that he really cared about you."

"Really?" Lelouch sighed softly, a dull pain re-appearing in his heart. He clenched the sheets, the coolness of them gave his something to focus on.

"You've got yourself some boyfriend."

Lelouch looked up, his eyes widening, and the slightest of blushes crept up on his normally pale complexion.

She winked playfully, her eyes twinkling with delight and mystery at the noirette, and before he could muster up some sort of response, she left, closing the door softly behind her.

Lelouch breathed out, there was something about the woman that seemed peculiar, for a second her voice sounded like...

The noirette shook his head, and tried to reach beside his bed. Excruciating pain stabbing at every part of his body said otherwise. Collapsing back on the soft sheets, he reached for the call button on the arm of the bed. The clicking of heels grew as the same woman came.

"What do you need help with?"

"Can I borrow your phone? I need to make a very important call."

* * *

><p><strong>(AN: When I was editing this, I realized that I didn't make the doctor say 'Mr. Lelouch'... I don't know, but I just don't think Mr. Lelouch sounds nice at all O.o)**

**Yay! So Lelouch isn't really dead. Honestly, I wanted to kill Lelouch (that sounded really bad...), and have Suzaku go through this really deep and sentimental period before he confronts Gino. Buuut, I didn't do that, because I hate stories that end like that, and leave me wanting to punch the laptop screen. Although I realized when I'm writing this, I could totally do it to all of you XD**

**Alright alright. I'm not that evil, yet. **

**Thanks for sticking to this story, and I hope you liked it so far. Bear with me, I know not much has been happening as of late (I promise that in the next few chapters it'll pick up speed), and to be honest, the lack of sexy time between Suzaku and Lelouch is starting to get on my nerves...**

**Be happy!**

**-A. Lullaby (I'm always scared when I type up my pen name, because the Doc. Manager doesn't have spell check, and I could just imagine everyone laughing at me when I manage to spell my own name wrong)**

**p.s. Did anyone figure out why I called this chapter 'Eva'?**


	12. I missed you

**12th chapter! I can't believe I did 12 freaking chapters on this! **

* * *

><p>"Suzaku, it's Lelouch. I... I'm alright. There was a woman in the surgery room who told me that you were there the whole time."<p>

There was a pause, the static of the silence was loud in the room.

"I didn't know alright? I didn't know that you were with Gino before, and, I'm sorry that I threw a tantrum. I'm not going to say I just was scared, or I was just worried. I had no excuse. I was mad, because you were so close to me"

Another audible pause.

"I'm in the recovery wing of the hospital for at least two weeks, so it's not like your going to be late."

Lelouch chuckled from the other side of the phone. The person on the other side of the phone winced.

The phone beeped, signalling that the message ended.

'I just wanted to let you know that I'm ok.'

_Are you?_

* * *

><p>Gino woke to something warm pressed against his body. He had a good three seconds before the killer headache of the hangover began to kick it. Memories of last night flooded his brain all at once. The blond furrowed his brows, pressing his fingers on his temples and massaging them ever so slightly, afraid that any pressure could let loose another attack.<p>

The body beside him stirred, and turned to snuggle with Gino.

The boy was young, no more than 19, but his body was something else. Gino sighed, and traced his fingers along the jaw line of the male. He was certainly good-looking, with a clean built that's not too muscular, but strong, lean limbs suggested that he did workout. His auburn hair was tousled, and framed his delicate features beautifully. The male let out a content sigh, and pressed close to Gino. He was cute, pretty even, and Gino imagined him waking up and using his big, chocolate puppy dog eyes to beg him to stay with him.

So that is precisely why Gino got up and left.

There was something to be said about sex for Gino. He wasn't sure if it was the adrenaline, the lust, or the hazy feeling he got every time. Of course, the fogginess was probably due to the fact that he would let himself get utterly wasted just before intercourse. Something about getting high while having sex was just so much _better._

A coffee arrived on his desk. Black, with a packet of sugar he never uses.

The liquid entered his mouth, bitter and unforgiving. It washed away all other tastes, jolting him awake. He looked outside his window, the high rise building granting him a spectacular view of the whole city. He let his gaze wander, skimming the new construction area that will grant his company another million dollars, to the casino nearby, which he was almost one hundred percent sure where the boy in his bed came from.

A polite knock on the door, and a woman in her twenties came in carrying a tray with an array of pastries.

"Mr. Weinberg, the press conference is scheduled to begin in five minutes, and we had a taxi drive the boy resting in your room back."

Gino meant a thank you, but he let out a groan.

"Is everything alright Mr. Weinberg?"

"I have the most painful headache."

"I have the painkillers ready beside your desk in the conference room."

"Thank you... my apologies, what was your name again dear?"

The woman smiled,

"Eva."

* * *

><p>"Lulu!" Milly bursts through the doors of the recovery wing. Her hair was a mess, heavy bags were under her eyes, and mascara was threatening to smudge everywhere. On others, Lelouch would probably grimace and look away, but Milly pulled it off somehow.<p>

_Cause she's a witch,_ the noirette hid a small smirk

"Lelouch, how are you?" Rolo was quick to appear at the noriette's side, pink eyes full of concern

Lelouch chuckled, "I'm fine guys, really."

"Like hell you are. Half of your body is in stitches, you have a bruised leg, and you look like a mummy. Last I checked, anyone who looks like that is not fine."

"Milly, cut him some slack and just be grateful that he is alive." Rolo turned back to the noirette, his eyes stern.

"We heard about what happened. Did you really try to suicide?"

Lelouch opened his mouth, wanting to tell him that he did feel something pushing him... or at least talking to him, but he closed it quickly, thinking it be best to not give his friends two heart attacks in one day.

"Uh, I'm not sure what you heard from the police or the news, but I definitely didn't suicide. I admit, I was drinking a little,"

Milly snorted.

"Alright, a lot. I was drinking a lot. And I was walking towards the bridge to sober up a bit when I tripped on one of the exposed part of the metal and fell. I was half unconscious already because of the beer, so I must've not really struggled. You know, I just went with the flow."

Two pairs of eyes starred at him, and Lelouch's palms started to sweat, seeing that his lie wasn't the best.

"Lulu,"

A silent exhale of relieve was made,

"First of all, go with the flow must be your baddest attempt at humor, and I know now to forbid you to ever come to my house for entertainment on girls night. Second, we were worried sick. Why didn't you call us? It's not like we don't know you hate beer. You only ever drink it when your desperate to get relive from a problem."

Rolo nodded in agreement.

"Milly's right, you could of called us."

Lelouch raised an eyebrow and cleared his throat.

"I know guys, and I'm sorry, I should've done that."

"Damn right you should've." A smile was on the blond's lips. "Well, you're going to be here for a long time, and since you can't move..."

"Surprise!" The duo laughed at Lelouch's face go pale.

"I made the omelet with extra sauce. Your favorite right?" Milly winked as Rolo held the noirette's arms from flapping and trying to block the monstrosity Milly calls food.

"St-stop it guys!" Laughter filled the room as everyone from the third floor could hear the clear shouts of 'don't', 'eat it' and 'poison'.

"Those kids sure are having fun in there." A nurse wheeling a cart full of medication said to another one, who was carrying a folder headed to the main office.

"They sure are." The two women turned around.

"Eva! Good to see you."

"You too Abigail, Scarlet." The blond nodded at both of them. "Where are you headed dear?"

The red head shook the papers, "To the doctor's office. The files for Lelouch Lamperouge just got printed out."

"Interesting..." Eva eyed the folder, "You know what gals, you two go and have a break eh? You've been working since four am today."

"Well that's so kind of you sweetie, but what about the work we need to finish?"

"Don't you worry, they're in safe hands."

"Thank you Eva dear." The two nurses hurried off to catch the arriving elevator, glad to have a rest from the tiring work.

"Don't worry," Eva said as she reached for her phone, "The file is in safe hands..."

* * *

><p>"Ok Milly, I finished your fucking omeletc noso would you finally let your sidekick release me?"<p>

"Fine." Rolo rolled his eyes playfully before letting go.

the trio sat there, grinning at each other like idiots.

Lelouch couldn't help but feel a little bit better. Even though he wasn't sure what happened that made him fall off a bridge, he was alive, and he had wonderful friends that were with him. The feeling was indescribable, and Lelouch felt pretty damn good.

"Lelouch I -" a voice began, but trailed off almost immediately.

The three looked back at the door, and the noirette froze.

_Oh god..._

"Uh... Milly, Rolo, this is uh, Suzaku."

The brunette starred at Lelouch, a pissed off face was clear.

"Suzaku, these are my friends, Milly, and Rolo. Guys, would you just give is one minute?"

"We'll be waiting outside hun." Rolo said quickly and draggd Milly out before she exploded into a ball of hissing rage.

The noirette gulped, "I uh.."

"You didn't tell them?"

"Not exactly."

Silence filled the room, and it took about a millisecond for Lelouch to feel nervous and uncomfortable. It felt like a blanket suddenly was wrapped too tight on him.

Suzaku's mouth was dry. He cursed in his mind at himself.

_Come on, just say it. You fucking sat there for three hours planning out what you're going to say. Just end it already._

But for some reason, all the anger, the sadness, and the hate just left him. Like it was never there, like it was a mask for something else.

"I missed you." Both of them was shocked at what Suzaku said.

_Shit..._ The brunette was wondering if he should leave, or cower in case Lelouch threw something at him.

_..._

The noirette felt a smile creep to his face. A real smile, in all its warmth and happiness.

"I missed you too."

Like a fume of dark matter, all emotions faded away, until the only thing they had left was love.

Always love.

* * *

><p><strong>Well that was a bit of a tear jerker wasn't it? At least for me it was, but I did feel pretty pathetic once I finished typing it up, ya know, because I was all sad about my own story.<strong>

**I originally planned that Suzaku and Lelouch would have this enormous conversation that would take up the whole space, but I changed it, since things really need to get light and fluffy. (Just for the record, the next chapter is going to be very very un-angst. I'm tired of writing so many sad things with a tub of ice cream every time...)**

**And don't worry, there will be sexy time with Suzaku and Lelouch.**

**As always, thanks so much for reading, and stay happy.**

**-A. Lullaby**


	13. One lonely songbird

**Beta read by the amazing Eliya Shirwood, who has saved me from many mistakes on the story, as well as many computer problems ._.**

Eva gazed at the gorgeous man sitting across from her, rested on the makeshift stretch bedding. The dim glimmers of sunlight hardly illuminated the golden lock of hair on his head, so flawless and long. Tendrils of it seemed to find a way to always fall in the right place just beside his temple, though hardly distractful enough to glance away from the sapphire jewels glaring from just centimeters away. Her sight traced along his tall, handsome nose, whose bridge showed no ounce of scratch or tarnish, just before settling on his persed lips. He managed to pout them just enough to appear enticing yet shy of being prudent. That pair of lips were so perfectly sculpted and enchanced with color that immediately made Eva want to lick her lips.

Such a perfect sight was so captivating, yet so painful at the same time for Eva. It brought back terrifying memories of her hideous past...

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><p><em>"Let go of me!"<em>

_Large, grubby hands groped against her bare body in a greedy passion. She felt so horribly exposed and humiliated during her helpless prying of those yearning fingers against her curves upon curves._

_She didn't have a chance._

_No, she never had a chance once she entered that room. Even before that. Her youthful fiesty upbringing and behavior led her down into that lewd scenario. More importantly, the desperation was the problem._

_Her desperation for money, to be exact. Eva wasn't the ideal student; she had dropped out of high school just shy of the third year. Long endured violence within the family had turned her into quite the abrasive troublemaker in her youth. Despite it all, she had managed to gain a few varying jobs from time to time, though none offered good pay._

_She had lived in the cramped basement of some thirty yeard old smoker, who still lived with his own parents, before she found a potential underground casino. They were in need of a 'waitress' after the previous girl disappeared without explanation. Eager, she had found herself working the night shifts, consistently intoxicated and grouped with those who branched from the same deviant past. She had no reason to refuse taking their meth; it offered a means to forget it all._

_She would end up regretting that decision._

_Just a few shards of those crystals drastically altered her life. Something meant to subdue the bad, to bring light to the darkness, to make her the happiest blissful woman in the world, had managed to destroy her reasoning. Before, she had known better than to take it after learning of its effects, but peer pressure was too overwhelming. How could she say 'no' when other takers appeared so pleasant and at ease in front of her?_

_However, the glow it brings comes with a price. A very expensive price._

_It only took one bad night after some drunkard bragged about to shitloads of money and opportunities gained from the experience to have Eva completely drawn in. She had flashed brilliant sets of rings and said it would be easy to follow along. Eva had been a moth to the flames, blinded by the light to understand the threat after asking how._

_"Do whatever they say," the girl had exclaimed with a sly grin after dragging her to the entrance of some dark alley, "make them happy and so will your wallet be." The girl had motioned for Eva to past through the doors. The ominous foreboding had warned her to no avail._

_She had walked in to the 'glory.' An hour's worth of work had covered several weeks worth of pay so quickly. She had become overconfident in the sensation, so much that the activities became never-ending cycles. She had performed shifts upon shifts as a VIP lap dancer, occasionally taking meth along with those friends before returning to duty._

_The meth-taking continued to grow more and more until it emptied her vast sums in a single night. Wanting more, needing more, Eva had agreed to act as a 'fluffler.' That is to say, a good fuck for hire._

_The exponential pay had been so unbelievable, yet it didn't justify the horror; as soon as she had undressed, looked into the lustful eyes of the buyer, and reluctantly awaited the moment he had her, fear would engulf her and sheer instincts would kick in._

_She had shook, scratched, even bit to get away. However, they had always gotten what they paid for._

_Due to the nature of the underground club, anything would go in terms of service. Meaning simple intercourse wasn't always on the menu; much more painful actions were always preferred instead. Running away would be meaningless. The addiction had been too strong to support her living. The only option available had been to submit herself to the buyer, watch herself be devoured each time. It had gotten so bad that after endless nights of being used, she would flinch whenever a person would even come within an arms' distance to her. She would have nightmares so many time that they ended up being the only thing she experiences when she sleeps those rare, much needed hours._

_Living had become so hopeless not too long afterwards. Thoughts of suicide became more and more frequent, fantasizing the procedure once a day. She was already dying on the inside anyways._

_But then there was Gino._

_Gino had saved her from a particular onslaught brought on by three men at once. Shivering in the nude, she had been only able to look away in shame, aware of the inevitable look of disgust downcasted upon her stained figure._

_Yet, something more softer and warmer opposed that assumption, sheilding her body from the cruel world. Her teary eyes had shyly looked from the jacket covering her to the boy standing beside her. He had been much younger than her by several years, and his features had been as beautiful as she had once been long ago. She had been taken away by the bright glow of his face and his blue eyes. Under his sight, she had never felt more secure._

_He saved her life; she would do anything to repay him._

_Hard work dictated her life yet again, especially trying to overcome her drug addiction. Even during rehab, that beautiful smile of his would cheer her on. She had willingly done his dirty work, whether requested or not._

_Lying. Backstabbing. Killing. Anything he needed._

_She hadn't cared for the consequences behind them. She had followed him all the way to the top of his career, passing off as an assistant to his CEO. Their relationship blossomed under the guise of a twisted love partnership._

_Perhaps it was the worst kind of love, but even still, she had stuck by him like a dog seeking to please the master. Like the gallant story told by her mother long ago while Eva drifted off to sleep as a child._

_Once apon a time there was a boy and a songbird. The young fellow had discovered the lonely egg outside getting pelted by the rain, and serving as a vulnerable,tasty meal for any animal passing by._

_The boy brought the egg back in, and wrapped it in a warm, dry towel. Days later, a baby bird hatched._

_Due to the fall it had while it was still in the shell, the songbird had a horrible voice. The boys parents and the whole neighborhood begged the boy to give the bird away. The boy refused, and taught the bird how to sing. Everyday he would come running after school with a music book, and go to sleep exhausted long after the sun had set._

_Through the struggles both of them faced, the two became so much closer. The boy would teach the bird to sing, and in return, the bird would always keep the boy company. Love bloomed inside the tiny heart of the little songbird. She promised herself she'd have the most beautiful voice in the world for the boy._

_His hard work was paying off, as the voice of the bird grew nicer and nicer. By the time the third spring came since the bird was saved by the boy, her voice rivaled any songbird out there in the world._

_Of course, as time past, the boy grew, and got new friends. Together, they showed the boy new things, and the boy all of a sudden started to not give music lessons to the little bird. By the time summer had begun, the boy had already found a girl that was popular that would make him become noticed as well._

_'"Give me the reddest rose, and I'll dance with you."_

_The boy wanted a rose for the girl he wished to dance with, so the songbird sought one out._

_"Please, give me just one rose by the morning!"_

_The rose shivered in reply to the songbird, knowing it was too cold to bloom. The songbird offered to use its own blood to warm the rose, by piercing its heart against the thorns. The thorn buried itself deep into the songbird's chest, yet she began to sing. Her voice flowed unscathed throughout the night. The sun began to rise, but the rose was not ready. The songbird pushed harder against the thorn, closing deeper to its heart. Once the last drop of blood dripped onto the rose, it blossomed with such radiance._

_The boy gladly accepted the rose, yet ignored the songbird that gave its life in exchange.'_

_It wasn't until days later, after the girl rejected the boys' feelings that he returned home and found the songbird's body limp on the window ledge. With tears streaming down his face, he buried her in his backyard when he first found her. Rain streaked the tombstone where he carved "My Everything" on._

_Eva had found it funny how their roles matched perfectly with the story. Gino was that boy, and she was his obedient songbird. She knew though that her fate as the songbird wouldn't be as glamorous; instead of dreaming that one day the boy would love the songbird as it did, she was aware that Gino would not. She never had a chance at that._

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><p><strong>Painful pasts... songbirds... and meth. I needed those all to be in this story.<strong>

** Argh... my laziness has gotten (yet again) the best of me, and here I am, posting this a week late. I'm trying mah best guys!**

** As always, thanks for reading, and let me know your thoughts on this 60% flashback based, 40% fairy tale based chapter in a comment.**

**-A. Lullaby**


	14. Having a heart

**I'm on time! Woo hoo~**

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><p>Lelouch was fumbling with the clasp of the wheelchair. His strength still hindered by the lack of activity that he's done over the past twenty days. He was lucky that the staff were friendly enough to let him get some air. Days of being cooped up in the box the rest of the world calls room made him have quite the temper.<p>

"God dammit. Can't you just carry me?" Lelouch grunted, shooting a look at Suzaku. The brunette was standing in front of him, clearly enjoying the frustration the other man was experiencing.

"Nope, if I dropped you, I would have to answer to the lawsuits." The brunette made a cheeky smile, but Suzaku still knelt and untangled the mess Lelouch managed to make out of the safety belt.

Gritting his teeth, the noirette gave up and sat back with a _humph._

Yep, he was really glad that he would get to go outside.

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><p>Lelouch sighed as he was wheeled out to the sidewalk leading to the park. He immediately relaxed as the warm sun shined on his pale skin, which has gotten even more transparent since he was kept from going outside for the past half a month. Lelouch looked around, his eyes catching on to a couple sitting on a bench under a blooming yellow wood tree.<p>

Suzaku saw Lelouch staring, and stopped the wheelchair on the grass beside the pavement. He bent his torso forward and hugged Lelouch from behind. His body casting a shadow on the noirette.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Lelouch's gaze lingered for a second, but he shook his head and turned to face Suzaku, a smile forming on his lips.

"Nothing. I'm fine, just thinking how cheesy it was to have a walk in a park as a date."

Suzaku chuckled and laid his head in the crook of Lelouch's neck,

"Well, there goes about all my date ideas."

"You fucker."

The two laughed, enjoying the rare moment when everything seemed so nice and carefree, enjoying how despite everything that happened, they were still here today, _together._

"Alright alright." Suzaku gently nuzzled Lelouch, "That's enough cuddling. The doctor said specifically to not apply any pressure on you."

"Right." Lelouch rolled his eyes, making sure the brunette could see that, "I'm totally going to let you not touch me anywhere."

Suzaku shook his head in mock disapproval. His face stern but his eyes sparkling.

"Ok, I want to tell you something serious."

"Go on." Lelouch said, twirling his finger in a strand of rich, brown hair.

"The company that I'm working for wants to promote me as CEO."

Lelouch's jaws dropped and he spun around, "What. The fuck."

"The money is enough for us to live the high life for, well, life. It seems fishy. Believe me, I was on the verge of rejecting the offer, but I wanted to ask you if this is what you want."

"Well.. why did they promote you to be the next CEO?"

"Since the current one is retiring, and all the other people are already in their late-thirties. They want a long-term boss."

"Then you should take it. It makes sense for them to ask you, and if anything is wrong, you can always quit. Hearing how much money you'll make, it wouldn't be too hard in the time when you find another job."

"Pffft."

"What?" Annoyance rose in purple orbs.

"Nothing, it's just that you sound so much like a woman scolding her husband for him to get a better job."

"First of all, I have a dick, so stop referring to me as a female. Second, who doesn't want money?"

"Fine, fine. I'll go talk to them tomorrow, then you can buy all the shoes and clothes you want." Suzaku snickered and quickly back away before Lelouch became a hissing and clawing ball of rage. The brunette started to wheel Lelouch back to the hospital, casually making side comments about the weather and listening to the latter mumble how in the world did he get stuck with this scum of a human being.

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><p>"Well Mr. Lamparouge, looks like all the tests ran clean. Your blood pressure is lowering, your blood tests came out great, and judging from the doctor's choice of medication, I would say you are free to leave in a week. The IV therapy bag I'm giving you now are mainly just vitamines your body lacks to help you heal more quickly." Eva smiled warmly as she rubbed a piece of cloth with rubbing alchohol to the back of Lelouch's hand. The sharp scent of it made him cringe slightly. In the weeks that he's received IV therapy, he's gotten use to the needles and injections, but the smell of alcohol still stands strong in his mind. Lelouch felt a small pinch, but made no effort to move his hand.<p>

"You're very lucky Mr. Lamparouge," Eva said as she secured the thin, hollow needle with the last bit of surgical tape. She smoothed out the sheets of the bed, and sat lightly next to Lelouch. "Not a lot of patients we receive that committed suicide can be saved in time."

"Really?" Lelouch wondered aloud, looking at the tray full of equipment that the little cart was holding.

"Really." Eva patted Lelouch's arm, "We just received an upgrade a few weeks ago. It's been ages since the government has granted us enough money to afford the equipment and medicine we needed."

Lelouch nodded and suddenly looked Eva straight in the eyes. The blond blinked in surprise, her heartbeat slightly increasing speed as she began to wonder if Lelouch or Suzaku has seen her with Gino this morning. She slowly reached her left hand to the little opening the bed had between each mattress and felt out the handle of a hidden dagger. Tightening her grip on it's leather binding, she forced her smile to not falter.

"Thanks for telling me about Suzaku. I really didn't think he would've stayed for the entire time. I could say that you saved me more there than anything thing you've done."

Eva exhaled silently, the tension immediately disappearing and she eased her vice like grip on the dagger, "You're very welcome. I really admire couples like you two. It's getting harder to see people who really love each other like you."

"Yeah, Suzaku is really _special_." Lelouch shook his head at the thought of the brunette.

A faint beep came from the pocket of Eva's coat, and woman stood up, stretching her legs in the process.

"Well, I better go, don't want to be late to save someone from dying." She grinned and checked the dropper connected to the bag of fluid Lelouch was having injected into him. Eva twisted the little knob beside the dropper, and liquid within dripped faster.

"Try not to move until it's fully entered your body." she laid a hand on the noirette's wrist.

"Alright." Lelouch followed Eva with his eyes. He was about to close them with he did a double take on the ring on her middle finger. It was a plain sliver metal, and had nothing but a small line running vertically through the band. His eyes widened, and fear engulfed him.

His ring...

Gino's ring...

Lelouch could hear his own heartbeat pulse in his head, increasing speed as sweat starting forming rapidly in his palms at the rush of feelings the ring brought him

Fear...anxiety...anger...

Lelouch swallowed thickly, and dug his nails into his hands, forcing himself to think rational.

"Eva,"

"Yes?" The blond spun around on her heels and smiled at Lelouch.

"Where did you get that ring from?"

"This?" Eva glanced down, "I got it as a present. I wore it because I just love to asscceroise, but this was the only thing the hospital authorized as approiriate to wear."

"Oh..." The dizziness was beginning to subside, and Lelouch was able to think more clearly.

"Why do you ask?"

"Nevermind, I knew someone who had a ring like it."

"Is that so?" Eva said more to herself than to the person across the room. She closed the door softly and headed to the exit with her sunglasses and phone. She looked at the parking lot of the building, and sure enough, Gino was there, sitting casually beside a sleek black sports car.

"You should really park that thing somewhere else," Eva commented as she slipped into the passenger's side

"Heh, I thought I show it off to you." Gino teased and eased into the seat. Together, they looked like a celebrity couple driving down the road. Eva didn't even needed to open her eyes to know that a lot of heads were turned.

"So, about the plan."

"Oh, I'm so excited to hear it. You always have the best ones Eva." The male stretched his arm and draped it across Eva's shoulders. She raised one perfectly plucked eyebrow at his action, but continued like she didn't notice anything,

"Lelouch will be out of the hospital by the end of the week. From his files, he doesn't have a job, so he's is most likely going to live with Suzaku."

"Well, we'll just have to play the waiting game now don't we? The CD is ready to go, and I've ordered my men to execute the plan on my command."

"We have to be careful. The death of Vincent as well as your intern has already the police on their feet."

"Eva," Gino wagged a finger at the woman when the car came to a stop at a red light, "We've been on countless situations like this before. Nothing's ever happened. If by some chance we do get caught, don't I have more than enough money to bail us out?"

Eva made no comment, instead, she averted her eyes and looked straight at the road.

"What's wrong babe?"

"We need to be careful is all I'm saying. Lelouch saw your ring today. I don't know if he or Suzaku suspects anything from me yet."

The mention of that made Gino's gaze suddenly stone cold, "Just keep being Miss nice and innocent nurse, and I'll take care of the rest."

"Very well," She examined her recetly manicured nails, making a sound of disapproval at the polish that chipped slightly on her ring finger, "You know I'll stay with you to the end Gino."

"I know." The male had turned his head back on the road, "I know you will."

Eva unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door. She slid the ring off her finger and placed the metal into the waiting hand of Gino. Turning her head to look at him once more, she headed back to Lelouch's room.

She reached the door of the recovery room, but she looked into the window instead of turning the doorknob. In there she saw Lelouch and Suzaku both sleeping soundly. Eva took off her heels and went inside quietly, prying open a piece of wallpaper to reveal a tiny switch. A faint buzz sounded to tell her that the cameras inside the room as well as the ones surrounding the perimeter were turned off. She came closer to the sleeping men, and successfully extracted the dagger from within the bed.

This was not a part of the plan, but it was the perfect time to kill them both. It didn't have to be messy, just a simple slit of the throat, and both of them would die quietly in their dreams, with each other.

The more Eva thought about it, the more madness consumed her.

Yes... it would be easy. She could even cut herself a few times and say there was a killer that came in.

The dagger was inches from Lelouch's neck, it's blade gleaming wickedly, as if it had a mind of its own, as if it's hungry for blood.

Do it...

Do it...

DO IT!

Eva stopped. The dagger just hovering over its target. She looked at the two men sprawled in front of her. Lelouch's hand entwined with Suzaku's as they both turned their head towards one another. The brunette mumbled something that could be made out as the noirette's name, and as if Lelouch heard it, a small smile of bliss appered on his usually stern face.

They weren't the perfect two, Eva had seem more that enough the times that they fought since Suzaku started visiting. They were the complete opposite. Anyone with eyes could tell that they wouldn't last in a serious relationship for more than half a year.

It was strange, seeing them struggle with their own way of showing affection. How they never, ever notice what the other person is trying to say.

They are truly the worst couple.

Eva shook her head hard and stared at the weapon in her hand. She felt a new kind of feeling wash over her, and as if she was hypnotized by it, she put the dagger back into its hiding spot. She knelt and propped her elbows on the edge of the bed, making sure not to put all her weight on it. Slowly, she leaned in and gave Lelouch a kiss on his forehead.

Eva stood up, flipped on the switch, put on her shoes, and left the room.

Soon after the door closed, Suzaku lazily opened his eyes. casting a glance towards Lelouch, he couldn't help but frown at how soundly he was sleeping. _You really don't know how to protect yourself Lelouch... _Suzaku ruffled the noriette's hair and got off the bed. The sudden movement caused Lelouch to stir.

"Where are you going?" Lelouch asked, half asleep.

"I'll be back in about an hour." Suzaku smiled and put on his jacket,

"I need to catch up a little with someone."

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><p><strong>So, Eva does have a heart after all. Who would've thought that she didn't kill them in the end? Oh, wait, I thought of that, because you guys would be all "WTF man?" if I did something like that.<strong>

**As always, thanks for reading, as well as continuing to support me!**

**-A. Lullaby**


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